I do not wear the right socks
Sparkly aqau sockies and my Land's End old knock abouts,
looked down and saw them on the end of my feet at work.
The truth of it is I could drive a sane one crazy.
My friends love me, but they know the score.
He didn't love me, but he tried to.
The complaints fell down to one or two a day.
Did I improve or did he? he claims the later.
I put my purse down on top of his keys.
I left the cabinent doors open numerous times.
One day I left the garage door open as well.
The back door was unlocked that day, and he
was vulnerable to the deprecations of the
white, middle class older ladies playing tennis
at the court across the street.
And I, I... did so many other things.
After a while I started forgetting to remember
all the things I did.
It was too much for me.
I learned to close the cabinents more often than not.
Checked the door as much as I could.
What I wanted to say is I've always been this way.
It's not convenient for me either, you know.
I've tried to change. I continue to try to change.
But I wear the wrong socks, much like Einstein did.
He was a Pisces too you know.
I just know my brain don't work quite right.
In my youth I had a genius as well, so that helped,
but now that I've reached
the cusp of aging, it's hard to tell that. I still have
a brightness and a wisdom now, and I live as a grownup
but still a child, always a child. I did pledge myself
to never grow up but then I had to. Someone had to
pay the bills, go to work, wash the wrong socks
so they could go on the feet at some time
and I could look down at them at my grownup job
and smile.
Maybe it's just being a Pisces, a child forever.
Maybe it's a gift, you know.
Maybe
I could drive me sane.
*****
So Mike Smith died, on a motorcycle, and
he is in shock about it. Did not expect to die and
couldn't come back to comfort his kids
right away. Now he's coming to me to give
some words to his ex-wife. Since Mom passed over
more messages come. Dang Mom, why'd you give
the dude my number?
But it's okay, I'm not going to Allison Dubois or anything.
Maybe just another small service I can perform.
At his funeral, his children sobbed. No one comforted them.
Only the current wife. They drank beer, though he died sober.
No infinity chip.
At my funeral, I want an infinity chip, dude. Everyone can
wear sparkly and outrageous socks. Or hats, or beads, or
vivid colors. Act a little crazy for me, my friends.
Play some rock and roll and laugh and cry and dance and sing.
Whatever you feel, do not pretend different.
But hug each other a millionty times for me.
That will be the one thing that I will miss the most.
When Mom and I are zinging around checkin on y'all.
****
I want to be loved, I want to believe I can be loved,
I will be loved, I am loving. I am loving my tattoos.
They are me, me, me, they are me. I lost my class ring.
it was me, it was aqua it was white gold it was beautiful
but I gave it to a boy. I gave me to a boy and I never
got that part back. I grew and loved more and more and more.
I am a miracle of love, I am always loving.
Even when I am afraid to love, I love. But love is not
something you give to any boy is it? He might pawn it,
he might lose it at his cousin's place, he might not know what it is.
My tattoos I can never lose, I can never forget myself
I look down at my feet and see two of them.
They are beautiful and they are me.
My snake and my eye apple.
Infinity and desire. Life and death and rebirth.
The snake is infinity, the pentacle, the human
and we are wrapped it in. The other world is all around.
It is not somewhere else. We live in both worlds.
Desire is a power, not to be used lightly, remember
to know yourself what it is you want.
If you don't know the arrows go out and lose potency.
If you know you will make it happen.
If you know you will realize at the center of desire
is that which we call God, all else is illusion.
*****
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